A Deep Shade of Blue

I knew you would be back

Just like clockwork tick tock and right on time

I try to forget about you since you remind

me of happier times, now your just a reminder that life just didn’t work out

the way it should have and when I wake up that morning alone, empty and  unloved.

Your just a reminder that life handed me lemons and I’m making the lemonade as fast as I can.  Some days it feels like the juicer is broke

The days are shorter, the nights are colder, my energy diminished. I want to run home and turn on the heater full blast and curl up in a fetal position and forget about you.

I don’t know if I am embarrassed or ashamed or a little of both that my life turned out this way

Is it ok not to like Christmas?

The Last Unicorn

I heard our song the other day and just smiled.

I remember  you trying to each me the words

You came into my life

 when I was just learning about myself

You knew me before I knew myself

Perhaps you saw I wasn’t ready

The tone in your voice

 had a way of correcting my attitude

  and was direct yet loving

You flew into my life, caressed my soul,

Set me free to fly again then you left.

I now see you served your purpose.

You mysteriously creep into my mind years later

and it’s a small token of something beautiful.

 Thank you Little Sparrow.

I pray you are happy, healthy and well.

TQM

My Heart

The human heart has 4 chambers

The first chamber of my heart is reserved for God

   it’s important to believe and have faith in something besides yourself

The second chamber is ME.

    my dreams, my hobbies, my health, all the things that make me Michael

The third chamber would be my mate.

      my equal, gemelo, soul mate, the person who would truly see my humanity

       and want me to continue to grow until I took my last breath

The fourth chamber would be everything else

           almost being 40 is the best time in my life

 I see things more clearly and understand what’s important.

I put these things in this order because

It will carry me for the next 40 years.

Laura

When I first met you, I was just a boy
Twenty four years later you’re gone
When I heard of your passing
Death pushed me down to the ground
I felt defeated, weak and helpless
My soul was screaming inside
I was also reminded that we all must go
and my own mortality was on the line
it took a few days but I got back up
you would have wanted it that way
I got inspired; I got energized, I got passionate
I got reminded I could do more, be more
change the world and do something good
how could a death inspire somebody?
How could anybody not love you?
You possessive this ability to generate
Pure simple love, your words, your actions, your life
The message was all the same, love
You had the ability to mold your soul
To fit other personalities
you got along with everybody
I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to say good bye
I will see you some day in the meantime
I hope I make you proud.

Laura always wore her favorite color, red!

”I first met Laura back in 1986 when she started to work at the animal shelter for which I worked & volunteered at. Laura had 4 kids but she was everybody’s mom, her memory, laugh and smile will remain immortal in my heart.”

Human Experience

I ran out of the class and down Second street towards
Market to catch the train home
Nobody noticed the tears pouring down my face
What was I running from? Was I trying to escape the past or
the irony that the past is a repeat of your future if you allow it to
I’ve been acting out lately, not being me and I realized
It’s because of the lack of affection I am going through
I am amazed I even noticed this behavior
I was able to separate in my mind and analyze myself as a third party
Tomorrow will make this history and I will grow from this.
The Landmark takes so much out of me, raw human experience
It’s refresh, challenging and draining all at the same time but I feel like
a rose bud closed up and these experiences will allow me to blossom
into a beautiful human being

.

Love is Patient

I wanted to make your heart my home
but you boarded up the front door
so I turned around and walked away
pretending not to care
In order to protect my heart
I feel you peeking out the window watching me
each time you held me it feels like the first time
I feel protected, safe and loved in your arms
It’s a special place I love to visit, is my sanctuary
I know I was blessed when I asked God,
“send me your most honest man”
a week later you came into my life
I am attracted to how you life your life:
Integrity, faith and honesty
you have raised the bar in what I look for in a partner
I admire you for telling me no and working on yourself
You always seem to do the right thing.

Sandbox

“Almost anywhere, man is constantly flooded by images of beauty and near perfection. Finding a good looking someone to fill the next commercial spot with those dashing good looks doesn’t seem all too difficult these days, but is anything truly real? Do any of them have the gift of telling a story or stirring up an emotion?
There is something almost indeterminate about this picture; almost a duality. It has so many sides that it doesn’t clearly say just one thing. It seems to speak volumes about the many sides of life. It isn’t quote as black and white as the actual picture may lead one to believe, but it does seem to represent both the light and darkness of life.
As Michael kneels down in what appears to be a child’s sandbox, one is reminded of the innocence of youth and how carefree childhood can often be.
This time, there’s only one person in the sandbox though. It’s Michael. He kneels in the sand with is back to the wall. A sense of solitude seems profound. It’s almost as though the wall is Michaels’ shield. It keeps him safe.
Michael isn’t a child though. He looks to be in his twenties with chiseled features and a golden brown tan. It isn’t the look or the body that tells the story though. It’s the express and the posture which convey more than words possible could.
His arms are wrapped around his knees and his head is tipped to the right. His shoulders are rolled backward and his legs are tight to his chest. This pose seems fetal.
There is something profound abut the apparent sadness that is momentarily etched into this chiseled face; something unearthing about the struggle between physical strength and beauty and the longing for love and acceptance. The expression cuts deep, but oddly, there is hope. A sense of inquiry replaces the more common pictorial smile. Inquisitiveness and exploration are seemingly birthed. We wonder what has shaped his life. It almost seems as though he has pulled away from the world and is staring with but one thing on his mind. An understanding that the past is history and the future is discovery.” By S.A.F 8/97

Gratitude

Standing on a cliff facing the ocean
I feel so small compared
to the mountain and ocean
but feel so big inside my soul
rain drops pour over me
washing away my sorrow,
and awaking the gratitude within me
perhaps the rain drops were God’s tears
my soul, sprite and heart feel so energized
I have no complaints, I am happy
and realized that I am loved
so I am never alone
tomorrow when I wake up
before my feet touch the ground
I will say out loud
Thank you for another beautiful day
Thank you for my health
Thank you for my life
Thank you God.